Why Your Child Misbehaves And What You Can Do About It

BuzzFeed News speaks to three experts in childhood behaviour to find out what causes bad behaviour and what the most effective parenting response is.

Sian Butcher / BuzzFeed

"Essentially, there's often a conflict between how much [time and attention] investment parents want to provide to a child and how much the child wants," Dr Emily Emmott, a biological anthropologist at University College London, tells BuzzFeed News. "From the child's perspective, you want all you can get, so you can maximise your development.

"However, parents have other things they need to invest in – for instance, if parents want to have more children, they cannot invest everything into one child. Plus parents need to invest in themselves too – maintain their body, social connections and so on."

And children aren't equipped with the abilities to ask nicely for that extra time and attention.

"So if you want something, often the only option can be to make a fuss. And it takes a very long time for children to develop theory of mind – so from their perspective, all they understand is that they want something but they don't have it. They don't properly understand the social context surrounding why they cannot have something."

A 2013 study using data based on more than 10,000 children suggested a clear clinical and statistically significant link between irregular bedtime patterns and behavioural problems.

Yvonne Kelly, professor of epidemiology and public health at UCL, says: "Not having fixed bedtimes, accompanied by a constant sense of flux, induces a state of body and mind akin to jet lag, and this matters for healthy development and daily functioning."

Many a parent over the years has said "it's for your own good" when dishing out a harsh punishment. But is this true?

Rachel Calam, professor of child and family psychology at of Manchester University, says that establishing good behaviour is about highlighting when kids get it right, more than when they get it wrong.

"Often parents will be focused on things they're finding difficult, but at the root of establishing good behaviour is parents noticing when their children are doing something that they want them to be doing and praising that and encouraging that," she says.

"It may be that the child had been getting a lot more attention for difficult behaviour than for desirable behaviour. So if the parent changes things around so the desirable behaviour gets the attention, then the child knows the attention is assured."

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